What's going on?

What's going on?

Brace yourself. It's a long one, but it contains important information if you have bought one of my classes.I even but an interlude in there.
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If you've been following me for a while, you know that the department I've been working for 23 years closed in November, leaving me without a day job, and I went back to school. If you didn't know, well, now you do. I want to get real personal with this post and let you know what is going on with me. Grab a cup of tea, and get comfortable while I bring you on the ride that has been my life for the past seven months.

If you follow my Instagram, you know I haven't stopped creating. In fact, I'm still strong at it. The newfound freedom opened something in me, and with time to breathe, I reconnected with my more explorative side. But it's not all sunshine and roses. 

I began the year with more updates and presence here, but as school and the search for a new job mixed with "what do I want to do when I grew up, " the anxiety and stress got the better of me. It's been a roller coaster of emotions; what the hell am I doing? I love what I'm learning; who will hire a 47-year-old? You're good, you got this; I'm not good enough. I'm going to lose everything.… and other irrational talks are going on in my mind. 

Even when most days I'm excited about the challenge, I am scared as hell and what happens when I'm scared? I retract and go into the chrysalid mode and become goo until I can figure out my next move. 
It's incredibly vulnerable; it's probably a trauma response. I need to focus on things I have control over. 

At the same time, I remember the reckless kid in me that would jump off a cliff and learn to fly as I went down. There are days that I wonder where that kid went while I keep trying to channel her. Letting go of all the false beliefs and it's damn exhausting. 

It is the first time I do not have a job in my adult life. It's a strange feeling; I know I'm privileged in many ways, and I don't miss for anything; all of my basic needs are covered, and even some little luxury where all those insecurities are coming from? I can't help but wonder where I would be in life if I did not have to deal with that much childhood trauma sometimes. It's easy to get lost in the "what if." 

Be reassured that it's not all pity parties. Magical moments also happened. Some acquaintances became friends, and I'm slowly getting out of my comfort zone and opening myself to the world again. I'm not quite the butterfly I wish to be yet, but the chrysalid is getting thinner.

I realized that I still love to design; when I lost my job, I was left with a better taste, and the thought of doing the same thing elsewhere made me want to trow up. Now I know it was more the situation than the design, I'm good at it, and it still brings me joy. Learning UX made me want to be more involved in the process, and I'm in love with the process of design centred on the user. Human and accessible design is something I can definitely get behind. 

Let's take a break and watch a short flip-through video of the result of the challenge 100 faces in 10 days. It was an enjoyable challenge to focus on; if you want to try it yourself, here's the Pinterest board of all the reference pictures I used. minus five that I apparently missed that can be replaced by any pictures, you would like to try. 

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What does this all mean for Kabostudio?

I haven't been as present as I wanted to. I had to focus my energy elsewhere; the last two years haven't been good for the art business; I spent more money on it than it brought me; it's not sustainable to still go that way. I had to think long and hard. Do I keep the business as is and hope for the best? Do I stop teaching and close that part of the site? What can I change? I'm still figuring it out. The site and classroom have been built over the last 7 years, but there is a lot of inconsistency in design as things have evolved and I found better ways to teach. It doesn't provide the best user experience. 

I can be brutally honest whit myself and admit that it needs a complete redesign. I have a plan; I want to apply all I've learned in the past six months and apply it to the site. Hopefully, that will happen in the next two months. It's a lot of work, and I will need some help. If you are a frequent user of the site and would like to participate in a usability test with me, I will find a way to compensate for your time. Usability tests are meant to test not the user but the site itself; what are the pain points, and what can be improved. If it's something, you would like to be part of, please contact me at karine@kabostudio.com. It's part of the process to create a better site. It will also help me build my portfolio while searching for a new job. 

If you are still here and read all of this, thank you. The more and more I realize that I'm not afraid of changes as the alternative means no evolution, and that, my friend, scares me more than any bad decisions or turns I could ever take.

I want to keep pushing the business side of Kabostudio and create something that inspires people to explore art and feel the same joy it brings me. I'm not done just yet. Change like this takes time, so I want to thank each of you who stuck by me while I transformed the business into something better. In the meantime 

Have a wonderful summer I'll still try and update you, you can follow me on instagram
or Join me for the free weekend retreat Make Create Express 
I'm also part of Book of days 

Please consider using my links if you register for any of these collaborative classes as it will help me stay in business.

PS If you have class and have not downloaded your videos, I recommend that you do; I don't plan to interrupt the service, but with big changes, you can't plan everything and you never know how smooth the transition between site will be, and you better be safe.

Again have a wonderful summer, with all my love
Karine